Alright a few quick thiungs I spotted in the first chapter.
Purple Prose. Look it up, you tend to overdescribe locations and things. Not a bad thing in-of-itself, just make sure it doesn't wreak your pace and bored the readers.
Spike seems a little OOC. Just a tad.
Other then that I see very little that is wrong in your fic. Mind you I just did a quick skim over. If I have more time later I'll go in a bit more depth.
O and I guess I should mention this, your formatting is off. Paragraph indents at random spots and the likes. Might want to look into that. FimFic's writting system is a pain that way...
Oh and if you have the time could you give us a full plot synopsis?
I don't know put on this post or the other one but here is chapter 1 for me https://docs.google.com/document/d/1e8G6sgbz6dVotb2a0vEViQV7en4L0V7s7YL8daDH6lY/edit
Thanks for looking it over, now in terms of formatting, I was told on FiMFiction that was the best way to set it up, if it was entirely up to me I would have big paragraphs of text...
Now I figured I'd get someone OOC, I'm not familiar with writing for these characters so I've tried to fit them to the best of my ability, but evidently I'm not entirely honed-in on some like Spike.
Now as for a plot synopsis, I cannot post a full one here, I have a number of things I do not want to be known yet, so instead e-mail me at Cell283@yahoo.com and I can give you one there as long as you promise not to spoil anything.
Notice that there is, either a random indent, or, a paragraph that isn`t split enough. It is sort of reoccurring... Sorry for the random Mash-My-Face-Into-The-Keyboard typing...
That is an incredibly interesting plot. I must admit I`ve never heard anything quite like it. If you can pull it off that would make for an incredible story!
Sorry I derped the first link...
ReplyDeleteI get a 502 Bad Gateway error when I try to go to that link.
DeleteFimfiction works now!
ReplyDeleteAlright a few quick thiungs I spotted in the first chapter.
Purple Prose. Look it up, you tend to overdescribe locations and things. Not a bad thing in-of-itself, just make sure it doesn't wreak your pace and bored the readers.
Spike seems a little OOC. Just a tad.
Other then that I see very little that is wrong in your fic. Mind you I just did a quick skim over. If I have more time later I'll go in a bit more depth.
O and I guess I should mention this, your formatting is off. Paragraph indents at random spots and the likes. Might want to look into that. FimFic's writting system is a pain that way...
ReplyDeleteOh and if you have the time could you give us a full plot synopsis?
I don't know put on this post or the other one but here is chapter 1 for me
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1e8G6sgbz6dVotb2a0vEViQV7en4L0V7s7YL8daDH6lY/edit
Thanks for looking it over, now in terms of formatting, I was told on FiMFiction that was the best way to set it up, if it was entirely up to me I would have big paragraphs of text...
ReplyDeleteNow I figured I'd get someone OOC, I'm not familiar with writing for these characters so I've tried to fit them to the best of my ability, but evidently I'm not entirely honed-in on some like Spike.
Now as for a plot synopsis, I cannot post a full one here, I have a number of things I do not want to be known yet, so instead e-mail me at Cell283@yahoo.com and I can give you one there as long as you promise not to spoil anything.
In that case Might I suggest just a partial synopsis, just put ^SPOILERS¸over any plot point you wish to remain private!
Delete>Oh and it isn`t the shortbess of the paragraphs that botheres me it is this:
asdfvvsv wf asd sdfas sdf sda ds fsd fsdf sdf sdf sdf sd fsdf sda fsda sd fsd sd fsd fsd fds fasd fdf dsf srg sdhgh dfg dfg fsdg
asvf sfvsdfvs vf vdf v
dsfv dfsvfd vdfv dfvd n gh ngfb sdger te g
Notice that there is, either a random indent, or, a paragraph that isn`t split enough. It is sort of reoccurring... Sorry for the random Mash-My-Face-Into-The-Keyboard typing...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteWell I'm looking at my fic, but I can't tell what it is that you're talking about, it looks fine to me...
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have no clue how I am supposed to do those spoilers on here...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteThat is an incredibly interesting plot. I must admit I`ve never heard anything quite like it. If you can pull it off that would make for an incredible story!
Well thanks, I don't know how long it will take, but I will keep working on it!
ReplyDelete